How to Get Ahead In America (2nd of a 12-Part Series)
NOTE: This article is Part 2 of a 12-part series detailing the “12 Refusals That Helped Me Pull Ahead in America.” To start at the beginning of the series, click here.
2. Refuse to allow anyone else to take responsibility for creating your life.
If there is one refusal that has been central to my financial success in America, I would say this is it. Simply put, I believe that I control my own destiny. Therefore, my life is my own creation. I’ve found that most people are ready to take credit for the good things in their lives, but are quick to blame others for the bad things. Not me. I take credit for both the good and the bad in my life.
When something bad happens to me, I actively search for ways that I can take responsibility for what happened. To believe or to say that others should take the blame is to concede that someone else has control over some part of me and my life. I simply refuse to allow them to have that control over me. By taking personal responsibility, I gain personal freedom. Plus, by taking such an actively self-critical stance, I learn many powerful lessons that help me improve personally and professionally in the long run.
For example, in 2005 I joined up with two business partners to fund a small start-up company in Dallas. Unfortunately, the gentleman with whom we entrusted our capital embezzled most of the money to fraudulently fund his personal lifestyle in Dallas as well as another business he had set up in Oklahoma. To say the least, my partners and I were not happy to discover his theft of our hard-earned capital.
Yet, while my partners and I patiently wait for the court system to slowly deliver justice, I am not wasting any time wallowing around in self pity or other forms of negative energy. Yes, this person defrauded me and my partners, but I had control over what happened to me. I just didn't do a very good job of exerting that control. Looking back, there were many things that I could have done differently that would have helped me conclude that I should not commit my funds to this particular venture. There also were several “red flags” that popped up in my head that I dismissed, but shouldn’t have. Lastly, I could have retained better legal representation than I did.
In short, this person stole money from me, but he did not and does not control what happened to me – I allowed it to happen to me. That is an important and meaningful difference in perspective. It is also a difference from which I have learned many powerful lessons. I can now apply those lessons to future business ventures so that I do not make the same mistakes again. It is this self-enforced difference in perspective that constantly reminds me that I alone control my destiny. Undoubtedly, the difference in perspective is extremely humbling and painful to the ego, but the benefits far outweigh the costs in the long run.
Taking Responsibility For What Happens in Your Life
When something bad happens to you in your life, whether in the realm of investing or outside of it, find a quiet place and ask yourself the following tough questions:
1. What did I do (or not do) to allow this to happen to me?
2. Why did I allow this person or event to do this to me?
3. What can I do to prevent this from happening to me again in the future?
I trust that you will find some of your answers to these questions difficult to swallow at first. Good. That means you are bumping up against truth, and as a wise philosopher once said, “…the truth shall make you free." Presumably, financially free is what you want to be. If true, know that the road to financial freedom can be rough because you will stumble across many personal truths along the way. Buckle up – you will make it down that road much faster as soon as you actively refuse to allow anyone else to take responsibility for creating your life.
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Next Up: The 3rd Refusal That Helped Me Pull Ahead in America.
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